The Scattered Mind

February already eh? F*ck.

I’m not gonna lie, January has felt like a shit show, and I know I am not the only person who feels this way! Weather has been fluctuating, moods have been fluctuating, and my mind has been all over the map. My appetite and sleep patterns have been a mess. I feel utterly exhausted. Yesterday was a full moon eclipse (which included blood moon and blue moon). Maybe now that THAT is all over, we can get back to life as normal?

With that being said, I am so grateful that within this chaos I have a home so accessible to nature and especially the great Lake Ontario. Almost every day I go stand at the shore, and watch the skies and waves, and incredible patterns on the ice and sand. It is often uplifting, powerful and grounding; and always inspiring.

light on the lake — Always Chasing The Light

I have decided I need to buy a real camera. There are so many details I have been missing out on in my photos, which I snap from my cell phone. These images will get used for paintings, and the higher the quality (especially for lines, textures and colours) of the photos the better for the painting.

ARTISTS AND OUR SCATTERED MINDS

So we artists get a bad rap I believe for our disorganized homes and offices and lives… and even though my spaces are always full of creative clutter, my mind is usually very clear and focused. January has certainly challenged that.

Just a few days ago I was hitting the lowest emotional point I had in years. It’s a scary feeling, grasping to keep mind and emotions in check. I am very fortunate to have so many supports set up in my life (great friends, family, nature, walks, journalling, and art). Plus yoga, meditation, and a deep understanding of myself and life cycles.

While writing a few weeks ago, I dropped my head back against the wall and saw my reflection in the big mirror across from me. I noticed how tired I looked. The “new” lines appearing in my face. The grey hair I recently tried adding blond streaks to. Sigh. I hadn’t drawn a self portrait in almost a decade. It was time.

I started to think about all the drawings I had done over the years, and self-portraits used to be one of the easiest ways to practice drawing. It was a meditative process, and a study of Self which I always found fascinating.

2004 Ontario College of Art and Design self-portrait practice:

Self-portraits between 1995 – 2004:

ONWARD AND UPWARD

Tonight is the first night I have had to myself in a few weeks, and I’m looking forward to getting in the studio, and possibly catch up on some art (or at the very least, get studio organized). Set some clear goals and deadlines on my work. I have paintings to finish from last January still!